The eagle-eyed among you will notice that things have been a bit quiet on my blog and social media recently.

Last month my beloved dog Ben was diagnosed as having a tumour in his liver after a particularly horrible seizure. He recovered well and extremely quickly (the vet was so shocked!) and was back to his usual self within just a few days of the seizure.

The vet told us we could have as much as a year and a half left with him, dependent on what stage the tumour was at. Due to his age, the position of the tumour and his seizure they didn’t recommend operating to remove it.

saying goodbye to dog

I was absolutely heartbroken but told myself we’d work hard to enjoy the remainder of his time with us – however long that might be. I was planning trips to the beach, walks in the park and visits to all his favourite places and people.

Then, a week later we returned to the vet for a checkup and to see how he was getting on with his medication. I mentioned there had been blood on his toys the day before and the vet examined his mouth.

She found another tumour. But, seeming positive, she said they’d remove it in a couple of weeks to give him some extra time to recover from his seizure.

Unfortunately the tumour in his mouth grew so quickly the vet was unable to remove it.

I could see my boy was in pain and that’s something I would never want for him. As much as I wanted to keep him with me for as long as possible I couldn’t stand the thought of him suffering. So, after a tearful discussion, Thomas called the vet to make the appointment I didn’t think would happen so soon.

We said goodbye to Ben on Friday 8th February. He was 12 and a quarter years old and absolutely the best boy ever.

saying goodbye to dog

Those of you who haven’t had a dog (or pet you’ve been really close with) won’t understand and I don’t know if there are enough words to be able to explain it. To me, Ben was so much more than just a dog and the pain from losing him was physical.

The bond between Ben and I was incredible and so strong. He was my best little pal and followed me everywhere when I was at home. While I was working in my office he’d either sit in his chair (bought specially for him) or sit on top of my desk gazing out of the window at the street below. In the evenings he’d lie beside me on the couch and he loved his 3 or 4 walks every day.

He’s been my constant companion while Thomas works away, often for a month at a time. During these times it was the best thing ever to have my pup beside me during times that could otherwise be lonely.

We both adored our walks every day and I’m missing this so much. I took him everywhere with me and he loved his frequent visits to my family and friends and the weekends away we always took him with us on.

It’s still hard to believe I’ll never see him again. I keep expecting him to trot into the room with a toy in his mouth or to feel him nudge my leg for attention. The house feels so empty without him and I’ve been plagued with sadness since it happened.

Now, I’m trying to focus on remembering the good times and there were so, so many of those. Like the times we spent walking together on the beach or playing in the snow, his love for destroying toys and how he could charm anyone he met into falling in love with him.

saying goodbye to dog

He absolutely was one of a kind and I couldn’t have asked for anything more from him. He was my best pal for over 12 years and I’ll never forget him.